Jane and John (working title)

Scene 1: Elma, WA – Cleofus’ Lounge, late afternoon
It is late afternoon outside of Cleofus’ Lounge, a sports bar with a for-singles-feel. Jane parked outside the bar disguised in an Asian mask and hair, drags on a cigarette and inhaler, intermittently. She checks her phone for the time. Inside the bar John, also disguised in an Asian mask and hair sips a beer while sitting at the bar. He checks his phone for the time. Cleofus, the owner and bartender, stocks glasses behind the bar. The bar is empty except John, Roy and Cleofus. From the jukebox, Merle Haggard sings “I’m a White Boy” in the background.

Roy
C’mon Chang, I wanna see your Kung Pao chicken karate chop.

John
Dude lemme buy you a beer.

Roy
I woulda been in Nam, but I got this bum knee…Wouldn’t take me.

Cleofus
Ah, c’mon Roy, this kid’s too young to have been in Nam. And he’s not even Japanese, he Chinese. Shut the hell up and have a beer with him.

Roy
No, I wanna see what this slope’s got.

Roy gets up into John’s face and continues taunting him.

Roy
(repeating)
Slope ain’t got shit…Slope ain’t got shit…Slope…

John screeches a la Bruce Lee then punches Roy in the face. Roy hits the ground immediately. He jumps onto Roy and continues to beat him mercilessly. Outside, Jane checks the time, puts out her cigarette in a wet napkin and puts it into her purse.

Jane
I love you David Caruso.

Jane scurries across the parking lot and swings open the bar door. Cleofus and John both look up and see her. Jane walks across the floor and stops in front of the bar.

Cleofus
You betta get your chardonnay elsewhere little girl, this ain’t no place for a lady.

Jane pulls out her Walther PPK and points it at Cleofus. Cleofus backs up with his hands up.

Cleofus
Easy little girl, you might hurt yourself.

John jumps off of Roy does a quick bow then slides his body across the bar and stands next to Cleofus.

John
Shut the fuck up and do what she says.

Jane
I want the money in the till and the money in the safe, Cleofus.

Cleofus
Ain’t no safe, you got it all wrong girl.

Jane
(cocking the PPK)
What the fuck kinda name is “Cleofus”? Your parents hate you or something?

Cleofus
(indignant)
It’s a family name.

Jane
Ok family guy, open the safe you got hidden behind those pictures of them nappy kids and we’ll be on our way.

Roy Stands up and begins to head towards Jane.

John
(pulling out his Colt .45)
Lay down fatty! This ain’t your Nam.

John turns to Cleofus and slaps him across the face.

Jane
(softly)
…The money round eye.

Cleofus hands over the money from the till and from in the safe. John and Jane take the money and run out the door. Before leaving Jane grabs John’s empty beer glass. Outside, Jane and John jump into the car.

Jane
What the fuck John?

Jane reaches into the glove box and pulls out her inhaler. She takes a quick puff while starting up the car.

John
What? He called me a slope.

John lights up two cigarettes and hands one off to Jane.

Jane
…And what, he buy you a beer, too? Thank God for Caruso.

Jane smokes on her cigarette and drags on her inhaler intermittently while she tears out of the parking lot and blasts down the road.

End Scene~

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